“Unexpected”
Now there’s a loaded, and potentially scary word!
Sometimes, it might represent something good, like an unexpected raise or a visit from an old friend. But often, this word causes anxiety, because we almost always associate it with bad things: an unexpected death in
the family, a natural disaster, a job loss or the end of a relationship. As much as we’d like to have
total control over our lives, “unexpected” events are just a part of life. How we react to such
events reveals our character and maturity.
In the context of a pregnancy, however, the word “unexpected” causes a variety of reactions. It
depends on the circumstances the new parents find themselves in with their relationship, finances
and support system. Are you facing an unexpected pregnancy right now? Is it causing you
anxiety and stress? If so, I’d like to offer these tips, specifically for dads, to cope with this new
reality.
1. Don’t make any major decisions right away.
Decisions made based on emotion, or while in a highly emotional state, are virtually
never good ones. And after some time has passed, make INFORMED decisions. It’s
amazing to me how some people will do hours of internet research before deciding which
car to buy, but will make even bigger decisions without taking the time to make sure the
decision is an informed one.
We can help! We can provide you with information on ALL your options to equip you to
make the best decisions.
2. Don’t blame your partner.
You both willingly engaged in an act that you both knew could result in pregnancy, regardless of your choice of birth control (which, by the way, is not just her responsibility). Own your decisions! I don’t want to get into a political rant here, but our society seems to be increasingly determined to help people avoid responsibility for their actions. You are a man.
Being a man, shoot, just being an ADULT, means accepting the consequences of your actions
and stepping up.
3. REMEMBER: You absolutely CAN do this!
Do you really think that you are the first, or only, person this(an unplanned pregnancy) has happened to? Our first child was unexpected, and we were not really where we wanted to be in our life, but we made it work. And of course, we cannot imagine our lives without our wonderful daughter! I’m certain you have many
people in your own life who have dealt with an unexpected pregnancy and have found it
to be one of the greatest blessings in their life. Which brings me to my next point:
4. Talk to someone who’s been through this!
Trust me, you won’t have to look very far! I think you’ll be surprised when you discover just how many people have dealt with this exact same scenario and grew to view it as a learning experience, a maturing experience and one of the biggest blessings in their life!
6. Form a plan, and start taking one step at a time.
Don’t be overwhelmed by this new reality. What decisions need to made right away? Which ones can wait? Sit down together and talk about your relationship, where you will live, finances, jobs, etc.
7. Don’t be afraid to seek outside help or advice.
It’s never a bad idea to seek counsel from someone who’s not emotionally involved in the situation themselves. Talk to your minister or schedule an appointment with one of our male coaches here at the Pregnancy Center – that’s literally what we’re here for!
8. Pray. God loves and cares about you. He WANTS you to share your burdens with him. In
fact, he wants you to GIVE them to him! Telling God how you feel and asking him for help,
strength and guidance will go a long way to reducing your stress level.
9. Look on the bright side! Get excited!
Being a dad is absolutely fantastic! Sure, it’s not fun changing diapers and not sleeping, but being a dad isn’t all about unpleasant responsibilities. It’s also about loving, teaching, caring for and pouring your life into another person. It’s about having a legacy!
Whether the pregnancy was unexpected or not, you’re now a dad. You have another human life
for which you are responsible. It’s time to decide what kind of dad you’re going to be. Be the
dad your child deserves! We can help! Our Earn While You Learn classes will prepare you and
your partner to be parents and our monthly Guys’ Night (currently on hold due to COVID-19,
but resuming as soon as possible) will help you to be the best dad you can be! I hope these words
have been an encouragement to you and helped ease any anxiety you might be experiencing.
Obviously, I cannot address every specific scenario in this blog, but if you desire one-on-one
counseling for your specific situation, we have coaches who are willing to talk with you.
God Bless!